Question.

When you look at me, what do you see?

Am I still the girl who you thought I would to be?

So unsure of myself, would you still want me

If I tell you right here, right now,

That I don't even know who I'm suppose to be.

Ah Randomness!

I've been known for my frequent mood swings, rant here, rant there, and much much more. Therefore, one thing I really need is a status updater every now and then, and since Facebook, MySpace, and Friendster only allow me to have one status update at a time, it doesn't really satisfy my mood swinging needs. :D But then came Plurk.

Plurk. The only answer for spamming bloggers, e.g. me.

Yes, someone should take the internet away from me.

But anyways, here's something random from someone so random.

So, What Happened Last Night?

There's only one word to describe how I feel right now: emptiness.

Damn I'm so emo.

~me.nony.kakam.albert~
~manda infront~
And those right there are my friends. Weird, careless, yet very reliable.
(Special mention to those not included in the picture: Maku; Marc; Shan; Lilac; ug si kinsa pang wa namention. Pagyawyaw lang mu. Hehe)

Me wants to go back home. :'[

What I Won't Know Won't Hurt Me

I don't talk that much to people, and I'm not really an outspoken person if you ask me. All I think about, all I am, I keep inside. I would just randomly sit in one place, watch people walk by, count cars that pass me, and just laugh silently while jotting down stuff in my journal. I may seem harmless and just plain immature but what no one knows -- wait, let me rephrase that -- what most people don't know is that just being aloof and observant to peoples' behaviors also has a downside to it, for me at least.

You see, I was born with the curse of curiosity. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it, all of us have the tendency to be curious sometimes. But I think mine is scary. I have stalker-ish tendencies (I know, sounds pretty darn serious) and I just have this habit on researching stuff about people without even knowing it. And it always ends up me getting too much information than what my mind needs.

Now I know why what I don't know won't hurt me.

from a small spark.

(Original: September 14th 2006)

a lie to tell and a simple kiss,
it started in a situation like this. . .
a new beginning but soon to end
doesn’t feel right but not pretend.
to change all deceit into the real
defending what I really feel.
doing things what I think are right,
but then there are inevitable fights.
holding on, never letting go
but the grip just seem to slip, and so. .
broken pieces on the ground,
shattering finely, without a sound. .
to pick them up and cut my heart
made me remember of us apart.
a small spark to feelings ablaze
used to make me amaze.
all seems lost now, but it still seems fate
very vague thoughts of it, turns to hate.

Going through my archives. :)

I was reading entries from my very first blog and after that, I realized that my way of writing never changed through these years. I am still a crappy writer. Darn.

But anyways, I copied and pasted some of the entries I made which seemed pretty decent yet insignificant. What the heck, we are all frustrated writers, aren't we?

July 26th, 2007
The Truth

I swept the ashes off my skirt
And sat so prim and decent.
You were watching me pride pride and joy,
Saying, "What a lovely lady you’ve become."
You bragged me off to all your friends
And you tell them how beautiful I am.
And while you weren’t looking. . .
I swept the ashes off my skirt,
Then sat so prim and decent.

February 4th, 2007
the need for a passion
when we have a passion for certain things, we feel the joy of having to find the importance of those things. then, we sacrifice for them. for instance, religion. what wonders it does to a person’s life! having to observe a friend’s sudden change because of religion had made me wonder[even until now actually] what a disaster i have been [i wanted to say bad but then it's just too strong a word] in my life.i figured out i need a change. that maybe, instead of just going to church just to be seen [which, i do sometimes..shame on me!] i need to have a passion for it. but then, seeing other people do the same made me think that hey, if they made it through life without Him, why can’t I? but then again, why the heck would i follow those people when i can be someone better and more outstanding not by academics but with faith.i wouldn’t say that I would have an overnight transformation but i would probably do it gradually and then i’ll learn every little details it takes in order to really believe and have faith in Him.then maybe, i could say that He is one passion i am willing to make sacrifices.


**the last one right there doesn't seem to make any sense anymore. but i just wanna give thanks to klein, emarrah, and elysse for commenting to that one and telling me that they would pray for me. i mean, i still believe in God, i still have faith in Him, i just don't go to church anymore. :)

I still have a lot of entries in my old blog. It's just that, I don't want to read them anymore, they seem so empty and irrelevant now.

I still suck at this blogging thing.

*kay*

Realization

It's not how I imagined it to be
I didn't think it through
It's not my intentions but can't you see
My insensitivity just brings out the worst of me.
The more I talk, the more I weep
Nothing good comes out from what I speak
Could it be that my lack of tact
Couldn't stop me from showing you the painful fact
Of how life works.

Sorry wouldn't bring it all back
But then I don't intend to say that
Knowing you could also be
As insensitive as me.
Could it be karma?
No, not really.
Because we both know
That some things have to go.
And this is one of them.