that kept me up all night.

Born without knowing anything

And each year I’m gradually learning

My curiosity and innocence

Are slowly drifting from existence

I’ve known some things I shouldn’t learn

I care for things I shouldn’t yearn

I was taught not to do badly

I but I grew up non conforming, sadly

My pain is self inflicted

From actions that were restricted

I was protected and sheltered

But I turned out wrong and disoriented

My life was good the way it was

But somehow I screwed up, because

I find errors in wonderful things

And end up hurting my own feelings

I try not to be disarrayed

But my curiosity always makes me stay

Learning seems to be a part of existing

However inaccuracy goes with living

Misleading experiences are hard to resist

Thus, ignorance truly is bliss.

think about it

written in cursive
blood stainted the page
of what seemed to be a diary
written for a grave.
all thoughts contained
of sorrow and pain;
the face seemed happy
but who looks at the inner core
when there's so much more to see,
so much more things to taste,
too many red stained petals
to be folded between pages?
from beings that claimed to be
your true happines.
tell me
didn't you cry in pain before
from the same being who pushed you
on the floor
against the wall
happiness sounds dangerous to me
why is happiness there everytime you fall?

I kicked ass

Okay, so maybe not.

I'm no pro bowler, never was, never will be, but I know I can kick some ass on it.

I have suffered some minor injuries last Friday night from bowling. But I lived through it. You see, i'm not the biggest athlete in the world, I know nothing about sports and it would stay that way forevvvaaah. :] But I could bowl, and play chess, and I know rollerblades. But whenever I don't feel like playing anymore, I stop trying. Which is probably why I lost in the second game.


Oh yeah. I should stop talking to my fishees.

You didn't get it? Neither did I.

I dream of a land faraway
Astray from society, away from reality
I'm not allowing myself to be another statistic
Nor a citizen of what people thinks is a country
I'm not being pessimistic
But what exactly do they mean by it?
How can we own one land and call it home
When all of it we can own
But no, people think mindlessly
Conforming to society
Trying to be fed by what they're informed
But that's not how I work
I don't do well with norms
For I recall that this piece of land was for everybody
And I have every right to own what belongs to me
Apparently I am on my own
Outnumbered by people struggling to work hard
To buy that place they want to call home
I am much happier alone
For I found my home
My heart is my home.
I dream of a land faraway from society
Where no one has to fight over land
Which was theirs all along.

18

This is something I started to write before my 19th birthday and I never got the chance to finish it. Now, here's my attempt to put words together.

Looking back, what happened really?
18 years just went by so quickly
Not too old, but kind of wise
Seen many things, heard numerous lies
Taught a lot but learned nothing at all
Did some right but mostly wrong
But who could judge?
I'm not gonna live for too long
For me to fit into your society, or live dully
Just to make you happy
No, that is not how I want me to be
I've seen you cry because of the way I am
But you surmise that I listen to all lies
That I've been told since I was a five
And trust me I survived
I think for myself, maybe not wisely
But I think for myself, for I am me.
That 18 years were spent on believing
That both of you had each convincing stories to tell
And accusations to make
But I guess I was old enough to realize
Who really made mistakes.
I don't blame anyone for how I turned out to be
I just wish that one day you would see,
I may not be the perfect little girl who'd keep on listening
To every bullshit you keep on giving me.

My 2008 List

Here are some things I need to do before the year is over. :]

• Get my driver's license ☑
• Get a tattoo
• Get another tongue piercing
• Make [a] new friend[s]
• Earn lotsa money
• Paint my room
• Make a trip to the salon
• Get really drunk with vodka
  
• Have a house party with new found friends
• Get over something ☑
• Play a tune on the bass
• Buy a bottle of rhum
• Stargaze
• Get a new pet fish
• Write 5 poems
• Write a short story
• Make a wish on New Year's eve
• Don't spend New Year's eve alone like I did for the past two years.
  

**Kayra**

Me

I've been wanting to get a tattoo since, like, forever. And after looking at several ideas and designs, I don't really know what I want. What people kept telling me was, "get one that really means something to you", or "get a tattoo that shows who you really are".

Uh, easy for you to say.

If you guys haven't noticed yet, I am the most random person I know. I really don't know what I want and I can't seem to figure out what's so special about me. Therefore, getting something that represents me is out of the question. Unless of course there is something that would represent my indecisiveness and randomness. For I can be someone today, and somebody else the next. And I can like these things now and forget about them later.

So does that mean I'm lost? No, I don't think so. I'm just so fickle minded that I can't make up my mind. I'm still wondering what to do with my life, and somehow I've been on this phase for so long now that I couldn't wait to get out of it. I've tried too many things, believed on so many stupid shit people make up, heard a little too much about life, and I'm still on the process on going through all of those one after the other. Which either means I really am stupid or I'm just a slow learner.

Anyway, back to the tattoo, if I can find one thing that represents me stuck in the same box I was in when I turned thirteen and trying to figure out what I wanted to be and who I wanted to be, then Imma get it and stamp it in my damn body for the rest of my life.

Sigh. I'm too old for this shit.